For those of us who need help with protecting our time, I have a friend who writes the word “something” on her calendar. If she is asked to commit on those days, she says she can’t because she has “something” on her calendar. It’s helping her learn to say no, without feeling like she has to explain, or give some other excuse.
When you leave work for WHATEVER reason, that's what it's like. I'm retired now, and I love doing whatever I want with my free time (not that there's that much of it). I think we all know the problem here - we have to learn to say an unapologetic NO. No explanations necessary. "I have other plans." "I'm busy." Your husband's answer was perfect. We can all be "unavailable" if we want!
I think there's a lot of truth in that. Perhaps part of it is learning that we don't always need to justify our boundaries. My husband's response really made me realise that ‘I'm not available’ can be a complete sentence 💚
I needed to hear this. So true how if we cancel to take care of ourselves, it's a reason not many will accept. But it seems to be getting a little better with some people who understand.
Thank you so much - I hope it is changing too. I think we're slowly becoming more willing to recognise that looking after ourselves isn't a luxury - it's sometimes what allows us to keep going 💚
I took much of this summer off from my usual routine of private tutoring, the first summer I really rested in five years. I tutor math, and the work is there, for the moment (unless/until AI gets its tentacles in my own little pond). My husband and I don't have a lot of money. We can't afford to travel, at the moment. But we like our little home life. We protect it from people who presume that just because we're home, not "on vacation," we're available. We're not. We're resting. Some emails get answered a week after they were sent. Both on here and off, I'm writing with new attention to my creative work. (I've been tilting at poetry for 21 years.) Thank you for articulating the situation so well in this essay.
Thank you so much. I really love the way you described protecting your home life. It reminded me that rest isn't simply the absence of work - it's often what makes space for the things that matter most, including creativity. Wishing you many more poems 💚
Thank you for sharing this. You've described it so well. Sometimes it's not just living with the illness - it's managing everything that comes with it. Sending you lots of kindness on your journey too 💚
This really struck a nerve, honestly. As someone who works for myself, I relate more than I expected, there's no "I'm at work" excuse to hide behind, so when I need a quiet day to just refill the tank, it can feel like I owe people an explanation I shouldn't have to give. That line about work being visible while rest isn't says so much. Your husband's answer was perfect, no apology, no over-explaining, just honest. Thank you for naming something so many of us feel but rarely say out loud.
Thank you. That really means a lot. I think many of us carry these assumptions without ever quite putting them into words. I'm so glad it resonated with you 💚
I think that it’s also really easy to follow up invites etc with an excuse. We rarely, like your husband did, just say no I’m not going to come. I’ve started to do that more, it takes a load off when you’re not thinking of an excuse. It’s funny because I’ve worked from home for 20+ years and always found that people just expected me to be available, whether it was going for a coffee or being at home to take in someone’s parcel, but post-Covid, that changed, people understood, working from home didn’t mean just being there for the convenience of others. And that’s where I get what you’re saying, people assumed kids and work are the only thing that takes up peoples times. When it’s far from true.
That's such an interesting point. I found exactly the same thing when I first started working from home. I did it as an adjustment for my health, but people often assumed it meant I was more available. It's fascinating how quickly we make assumptions about someone's time based on what we can see 💚
Love this. It's been so hard to explain to people that just because I'm not working in a formal job after burnout, doesn't mean I'm available or have the energy to cross the city in heavy traffic to meet for coffee. Your husband is brilliant. No explanations are required.
Thank you. I think you've captured it perfectly. Leaving work doesn't automatically create more capacity, even though it can look that way from the outside. I’m so glad my husband’s response resonated with you 💚
So true, yet the need for rest doesnt just depend on work, even during holidays Im finding myself saying no because I need to rest and rest is my priority. Its ok to say no and just retreat and give your body and mind what they need. we dont owe anyone explanations, they don't know what we need, we do. so thanks for this important reminder
Thank you so much. I think that's such an important point. The need for rest isn't determined by whether we're working or on holiday - it's determined by what our bodies and minds need 💚
When I had to leave my career due to illness - people then and now (2yrs later) would comment about my retirement. There is a big difference in retirement and managing chronic illness. I wish I were retired and being excited about that phase of life. Instead we manage our activities or inability to have activity each day & sometimes each hour around illnesses that are ever changing. I appreciate your husband’s commitment to himself and the need to not have to explain further.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I think you've captured something important. Leaving work because of illness isn't simply entering a new phase of life - it's learning to live within changing limits that other people often can't see 💚
For those of us who need help with protecting our time, I have a friend who writes the word “something” on her calendar. If she is asked to commit on those days, she says she can’t because she has “something” on her calendar. It’s helping her learn to say no, without feeling like she has to explain, or give some other excuse.
It’s okay to protect your time. 👍
I really like that. In a way, she's reminding herself that her time already has value, even if the ‘something’ is simply protecting her own capacity 💚
Now I’m going to start writing “something” on my calendar too. I love it. Brilliant!
When you leave work for WHATEVER reason, that's what it's like. I'm retired now, and I love doing whatever I want with my free time (not that there's that much of it). I think we all know the problem here - we have to learn to say an unapologetic NO. No explanations necessary. "I have other plans." "I'm busy." Your husband's answer was perfect. We can all be "unavailable" if we want!
I think there's a lot of truth in that. Perhaps part of it is learning that we don't always need to justify our boundaries. My husband's response really made me realise that ‘I'm not available’ can be a complete sentence 💚
Absolutely loved this!!!
Thank you so much - glad it resonated 💚
I needed to hear this. So true how if we cancel to take care of ourselves, it's a reason not many will accept. But it seems to be getting a little better with some people who understand.
Thank you so much - I hope it is changing too. I think we're slowly becoming more willing to recognise that looking after ourselves isn't a luxury - it's sometimes what allows us to keep going 💚
I like the way your partner dealt with this, Def something I will use
Thank you - I’m so glad it resonated 💚
This is so true and something we don’t pay enough attention to. Thank you for making it visible!
Thank you so much - glad it resonated 💚
Protecting time to heal and calm the mind is a super power - hold on to that!
I love that. Protecting time to heal and calm the mind is so important 💚
I took much of this summer off from my usual routine of private tutoring, the first summer I really rested in five years. I tutor math, and the work is there, for the moment (unless/until AI gets its tentacles in my own little pond). My husband and I don't have a lot of money. We can't afford to travel, at the moment. But we like our little home life. We protect it from people who presume that just because we're home, not "on vacation," we're available. We're not. We're resting. Some emails get answered a week after they were sent. Both on here and off, I'm writing with new attention to my creative work. (I've been tilting at poetry for 21 years.) Thank you for articulating the situation so well in this essay.
Thank you so much. I really love the way you described protecting your home life. It reminded me that rest isn't simply the absence of work - it's often what makes space for the things that matter most, including creativity. Wishing you many more poems 💚
Yes!! Recovery, new procedures, unplanned surgeries, recovery.
It is exhausting. Just keeping all the appointments straight AND the meds, supplements, etc.
it is definitely a full time job+.
Easier to buy a new multipack of undies, then figure out when I will have the time & energy to deal with the laundry!
Sending my best to ease your journey. It really does just stink!
🩷🩷
Thank you for sharing this. You've described it so well. Sometimes it's not just living with the illness - it's managing everything that comes with it. Sending you lots of kindness on your journey too 💚
This really struck a nerve, honestly. As someone who works for myself, I relate more than I expected, there's no "I'm at work" excuse to hide behind, so when I need a quiet day to just refill the tank, it can feel like I owe people an explanation I shouldn't have to give. That line about work being visible while rest isn't says so much. Your husband's answer was perfect, no apology, no over-explaining, just honest. Thank you for naming something so many of us feel but rarely say out loud.
Thank you. That really means a lot. I think many of us carry these assumptions without ever quite putting them into words. I'm so glad it resonated with you 💚
I think that it’s also really easy to follow up invites etc with an excuse. We rarely, like your husband did, just say no I’m not going to come. I’ve started to do that more, it takes a load off when you’re not thinking of an excuse. It’s funny because I’ve worked from home for 20+ years and always found that people just expected me to be available, whether it was going for a coffee or being at home to take in someone’s parcel, but post-Covid, that changed, people understood, working from home didn’t mean just being there for the convenience of others. And that’s where I get what you’re saying, people assumed kids and work are the only thing that takes up peoples times. When it’s far from true.
That's such an interesting point. I found exactly the same thing when I first started working from home. I did it as an adjustment for my health, but people often assumed it meant I was more available. It's fascinating how quickly we make assumptions about someone's time based on what we can see 💚
Love this. It's been so hard to explain to people that just because I'm not working in a formal job after burnout, doesn't mean I'm available or have the energy to cross the city in heavy traffic to meet for coffee. Your husband is brilliant. No explanations are required.
Thank you. I think you've captured it perfectly. Leaving work doesn't automatically create more capacity, even though it can look that way from the outside. I’m so glad my husband’s response resonated with you 💚
So true, yet the need for rest doesnt just depend on work, even during holidays Im finding myself saying no because I need to rest and rest is my priority. Its ok to say no and just retreat and give your body and mind what they need. we dont owe anyone explanations, they don't know what we need, we do. so thanks for this important reminder
Thank you so much. I think that's such an important point. The need for rest isn't determined by whether we're working or on holiday - it's determined by what our bodies and minds need 💚
When I had to leave my career due to illness - people then and now (2yrs later) would comment about my retirement. There is a big difference in retirement and managing chronic illness. I wish I were retired and being excited about that phase of life. Instead we manage our activities or inability to have activity each day & sometimes each hour around illnesses that are ever changing. I appreciate your husband’s commitment to himself and the need to not have to explain further.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I think you've captured something important. Leaving work because of illness isn't simply entering a new phase of life - it's learning to live within changing limits that other people often can't see 💚